Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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