if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
