JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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