The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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