I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize