Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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