My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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