Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Randomize
