I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
