I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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