I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize