He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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