I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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