I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
