so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
how drunk are you?
Several
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
