1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.