Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.