dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
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there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
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He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?