I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.