trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
