I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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