I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
