I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
This toilet bowl is my home.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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