I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
