I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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