Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
