how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
