i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
