So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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