ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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