If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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