Moan for me like Helen Keller
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
