i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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