You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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