My nipple is on Facebook.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
