i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
