So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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