Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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