i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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