I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
