Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
