I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
