Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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