you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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