im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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