this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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