DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Drunk is a universal language darling
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
