hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
