Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
