He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
