found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
