I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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