Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
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