Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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