i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
