Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
