I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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