that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
