he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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