She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
