just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
