I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You're like the curious george of whores
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
