this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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