Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
