i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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