You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
