Umm I'm too high to move.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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