I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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