you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
