bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
