Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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