Can i not drive my cunt home
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
