I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
