you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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