Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
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the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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