She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize