How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
