he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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