I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
