he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
